Love Cuts Both Ways
by karilyn
Summary: This is a What Happened Instead for Candy and Lisa Campbell from the Bonanza episode, The Stalker.


**Summary**: This is a What Happened Instead story about Candy and Lisa Campbell from the BZ episode "The Stalker."

**Rating**: PG

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Bonanza or any of its characters. This story is for entertainment purposes only.

**Love Cuts Both Ways**

Lisa had gotten used to having Candy stay for dinner after he worked on her ranch. He always helped with the dishes, and had even started putting Kenny to bed when he fell asleep under the kitchen table. He was an easy man to have around; the ranch had never been in better shape and he often brought her small gifts; a bunch of flowers, sweets, or a comb for her hair. He was always happy, too. That was a change for her. She and her husband, Jim, had always struggled to make the ranch work, and even though they cared about each other, there was always so much work to do that happy was something that didn't come around very often.

She had just put a stew on the stove to cook, and bread dough to rise for dinner. She sat down for the first time all day, it seemed, letting out a sigh and brushing strands of blonde hair out of her face. Looking outside to make sure that Kenny was all right, she sat back, reflecting on how Candy had gradually become a stable figure in their lives.

She had hated him when she learned that he had killed Jim on Virginia City's main street, having come upon him holding up another man at gunpoint for his wallet. Of course, the Campbells were cash strapped. They always were. It didn't matter to her that Candy hadn't meant to kill Jim, or that he wasn't the guilty party, Jim was. All she knew was that she was a widow and Kenny was fatherless. And Jim had been a good father. How was she supposed to carry on here now when Jim had barely been able to?

Full of grief and irrational anger, she had written to her husband's brother asking him to come and kill Candy, and Jake had set out on his way. What Lisa hadn't counted on was finding out that Candy was an honorable man. He felt terrible about the situation he had put her and her little boy in. He had apologized to her immediately at the inquest, but she had turned away from him. So he had started coming over on a regular basis, putting in the oat crop, repairing fences, working in the barn, and all while working on the Ponderosa as well. At first she had tried to drive him off, ignore him, make cutting remarks. But he would smile his infectious smile and set to work. Little by little she had started talking to him, and one day she invited him to stay for supper. One day had turned into two, and two had multiplied into most.

The first time he kissed her, she realized she was in over her head. What was she doing? Jim hadn't even been dead four months! Kenny was still asking for him. And Jake would be showing up any day to kill Candy. Lisa agonized over what to do. She would have to tell Candy what she had done. He would have to stop coming around. She made up her mind.

And then one day Hoss Cartwright came over to do chores for her. She asked about Candy and was told he'd been in a riding accident and had to take it easy for a few days. Lisa didn't need to see Jake to know that he had arrived. She knew he had caused that riding accident as surely as if she'd seen him do it. Coming back from town one day, Lisa found Jake in the barn. She tried to send him away, but he was vengeful, and he wasn't walking away from the man who had killed his brother. And hadn't she sent for him anyway? He felt he had arrived just in time to find her falling for her husband's killer. She managed to get him off her property, but only after a struggle. When Candy rode past a wooded area on his way to her place later in the day, shots rang out. Candy never saw anyone, but a bullet grazed his shoulder. Leaning low in the saddle, he'd raced to Lisa's, finding a man in full pursuit behind him.

He burst into the house and slammed the door behind him, ordering Lisa and Kenny against the wall, low. A gun battle ensued and ended with Candy outside pursuing Jake while Lisa had armed herself inside the house. Jake lost the battle. Lisa told Candy what she had done in bringing Jake around, and he forgave her. He understood her turbulent feelings following Jim's death. But time had changed things between them. Hate had turned into something much nicer. Maybe there was a fine line between hate and love.

Not only had their feelings changed, he wanted them to be permanent. He wanted to take care of Lisa and Kenny. Candy wanted to marry her. They could make a go of the ranch or they could live on the Ponderosa. He didn't care; he just wanted her with him. Shaken by the encounter with Jake, Lisa needed time to think everything over. How would a long-term relationship with Candy work for Kenny? He would grow up and want to know what happened to his father. Candy agreed to give her time. When they parted, he kissed her and held her in his arms. She didn't remember feeling this way when Jim had kissed her…or had she just forgotten?

The next thing Candy knew, some of the ranch hands at the Ponderosa were teasing him about his girlfriend leaving town. He must have been too much for her, they laughed. He didn't know what they meant. Hadn't he heard? She had sold her ranch and was moving back East. He was at the Campbell ranch in record time. She was already packing to leave. How could she do this, he demanded. She cried and said it would never work between them. He said love could overcome anything, and he loved her. She loved him too, she said, but she had to think about her son. Some day when he asked what happened to his real father, they would have to tell him the truth and then he would hate them both. Didn't he see that? No, he said, he didn't.

"I love you, Lisa. I want to be with you, take care of you, be a father to Kenny. I don't know why things happen the way they do, but this crazy thing brought us together. Please don't take us apart." He held her tightly in his arms, stroking her hair while she wept.

"I love you too, Candy, but what will people say? They already talk about us when we go to town."

"Who cares what they say? Love doesn't just come around the corner every day. You have to grab it when it does. Are the gossips in town a good enough reason for us to be apart? I had love once and lost it, so did you. Now we have it together. Kenny is just a little boy. We have years to figure out what we're going to say to him when he needs to know. Hopefully I'll have a place in his heart, just as his father does." Candy was urgent, and he was persuasive.

Wiping her tear-streaked face, she begged for more time to think it over. He told her to take all the time she needed, and then he went outside to work. He left without saying anything to her.

She didn't see him for days. She and Kenny stayed close to the house. He was a quiet child, three-and-a-half and tow headed. He took more after her than Jim. One evening at supper, he asked her where Candy was, and she was startled. First he lost his father, and now Candy. That's when the picture fell into place for her. She, Kenny and Candy _could_ be a family. Candy would be a stable father figure for Kenny, and he would also be the man she loved, a husband, a provider, a protector.

The next day she and Kenny rode out to the Ponderosa in their buggy. Ben Cartwright was coming out of the barn when she drove up. They exchanged greetings, but when she asked for Candy, she discovered he wasn't there. Ben explained that he and Joe and Hoss, along with a group of the ranch hands were in the north pasture rounding up some strays and doing some branding. It would be an all day job. Lisa smiled and asked him just to tell Candy that she had come by. Ben invited her in for coffee, but she said she had errands to do in town. Ben promised to convey the message to Candy.

It was late when she heard a horse galloping up to the house, followed by pounding on the door. She was tying a robe around her waist as she went to the door. He stood there, breathing heavily, arms braced on either side of the doorway, grimy from the long day's work.

"I couldn't wait. Ben said you came," he explained between gulps of air.

Laughing, she drew in him and made him sit at the table to catch his breath. When he was breathing more easily, she told him what she had realized.

"Candy, we need you. _I_ need you. We can be a family." She reached out and put her hand over his.

He lowered his head and breathed a sigh of relief, raising it to show her his wide grin and sparkling blue eyes. "You don't know how much I wanted to hear you say that," he said. "I love you."

"I love you, too." Then she realized how tired he looked. "Have you eaten yet?"

He looked sheepish and shook his head. "I was going to eat with the Cartwrights, but when Ben told me you'd come, I left right away."

Immediately, Lisa was on her feet, preparing food. She made coffee, reheated leftovers from dinner, and cut a large wedge of apple pie. While she got his food, Candy went outside to wash up and beat some of the dust off himself.

He ate like a starving man, and Lisa sat watching him, her chin in her hand, smiling. When he was done, they sat together near the fireplace in a stuffed chair, she on his lap with her head on his shoulder.

"This is what it will be like every night," he told her, bending his head to kiss her.

"I hope so," she wrapped her arms around his neck, and they kissed again.

Between kisses, they discussed marriage. She said it should be small, and he said he should be soon. He would talk to Ben tomorrow and figure out whether he would leave the Ponderosa or stay on there. In the surge of happiness they both felt, it would have been easy to let the hugs and kisses take them further. But Candy was a gentleman, and although they both fell asleep in the chair, it was chaste.

They awoke when streaks of dawn began to touch the sky. Lisa offered to make him breakfast, but he said no, he didn't want to compromise her in any way. And besides, Kenny would be up soon. He left quickly, but only after kissing her thoroughly again, and he promised to be back later in the day.

Thus it was that she came to be sitting at the kitchen table while dinner cooked, thinking about Candy. She couldn't wait to see him again. Kenny would be happy, too. They would have to find just the right way to tell him. Lisa felt sure that he would accept Candy as his new father. It was both a plus and a minus that he was so young; he was already beginning to forget his real father, and he was easily identifying with Candy.

When Candy arrived that evening, Lisa had just taken the fresh bread out of the oven. It was hot and smelled delicious. He came in sniffing the good smells appreciatively. He brought with him a bunch of flowers he'd picked, as well as congratulations from the Cartwrights. He took Lisa immediately in his arms, and then swooped Kenny up over his head in a joyful greeting, which the boy delighted in. Dinner was not only delicious, but gave them an opportunity to see what it would be like when they were together all the time.

After Kenny fell asleep, Candy told Lisa that Ben had been about to give him a lecture about spending the night with an unmarried lady, but when Candy explained that they had just fallen asleep on the chair after becoming engaged and talking for hours about their future, Ben relented. He wanted to give them a piece of land on the Ponderosa as a wedding present. They could build a house on it and farm it, or raise cattle or horses, or any combination they chose. Candy thought it might be easier if Lisa went ahead and sold her ranch since she had already made an agreement with someone. He said she should keep as much of the proceeds of the sale for Kenny as she felt appropriate. The ranch would have been his legacy if Jim had lived, so he deserved to benefit from it.

Lisa was grateful he felt that way. It made her feel better knowing that her son would receive something from his father. Candy was truly a good man. She marveled at how something wonderful had come out of something awful. They began planning their house, deciding how many rooms they wanted and exactly what it would look like. It was time for the oat crop to be harvested, and Candy was trying to figure out how soon he could get the house built. The man who was buying the Campbell ranch was expecting to buy it and move in soon, which was why Lisa had been packing. Would it be possible to get the house finished before winter? They decided to speak to the buyer to find out how soon he needed to move in, and that would help them decide. Candy felt certain that Ben would also be able to help them in some way if they needed it.

Lisa's buyer, Will Marshall, had been hoping to move in as soon as they could arrange a closing date for the sale. Candy talked to Ben about his need to harvest Lisa's oat crop, get their house built, and still do his duties on the Ponderosa. Ben's response was for Candy to work on the crop and then the house so he and Lisa could move into it by the time winter set in, which could be only three months away, depending on the whims of Mother Nature. In the meantime, Candy could add onto one of the line shacks on the Ponderosa for temporary living quarters for his new family. In fact, Ben, the boys, and the ranch hands would help. Candy was overwhelmed. Ben was being more than generous with him. He was treating Candy like one of his own sons.

There followed a whirlwind two and a half weeks during which the oat crop was harvested and sold at the grist mill, Lisa sold the ranch to Mr. Marshall and deposited the proceeds in the Bank of Virginia City, and two rooms were added onto the line shack closest to the site of Candy's new land. Immediately following those activities, Lisa and Candy were married in a very small, quiet ceremony held at the Ponderosa with only the Cartwrights in attendance. Hop Sing prepared a wonderful wedding supper, which included a beautiful and delicious wedding cake which was completely chocolate, at Candy's request. For a honeymoon, the newlyweds spent a few days alone settling into their temporary home while Kenny stayed with the Cartwrights. Lisa had giggled on their wedding day. She learned something about her new husband when she watched him sign their marriage certificate: _John Canaday_.

Candy threw himself right away into building their new house. They chose a small hilltop surrounded by Ponderosa pines all around, with a small pond about a quarter mile in front of it, where they could sit on their porch, watching ducks and geese swimming there, and best of all, Candy would teach Kenny to fish. With the help of Little Joe, Hoss and the ranch hands whenever they could be spared, the house, along with a barn, was finished by the middle of November. Candy then immediately began crafting furniture for the house. They had taken everything which had been in the Campbell ranch house, but Candy wanted to make some special pieces: a family sized dining table and a bedstead for his and Lisa's room. He would work most of the winter on furniture, in between his duties as foreman on the Ponderosa.

Lisa was thrilled with her new house, especially its gleaming wood floors and paned glass windows in every room. She kept busy making curtains and braiding rugs for weeks. She worried about Kenny wandering too close to the pond, so one of the first things Candy did was take the time to teach the boy to swim. He did this during a week of Indian summer in October. That was also the week they played hooky one day and fished. Candy fashioned two poles and showed Kenny how to cast his line out into the water. He caught his first fish that day, and between them they had enough for dinner. Kenny was proud of himself, and both Candy and Lisa lavished him with praise. Candy was patient with the boy, and allowed him to accompany him around the house and barn whenever practical. Kenny soon developed a case of hero worship for Candy, and after a couple of months was calling him Papa instead of Candy.

They existed in a state of bliss. There were people in Virginia City who frowned at them disapprovingly and turned up their noses, but there were also those who accepted them and were glad they had found happiness with each other. As the holidays approached, the Canadys planned to spend their first Christmas together with the Cartwrights. On Christmas morning, however, they had their own little celebration with their own small Christmas tree. Kenny was excited to receive a set of set of wooden blocks, some carved horses, brightly painted tin soldiers, a stuffed bear and a new pair of cowboy boots. Candy gave Lisa a gold locket in the shape of a heart, along with the china tea set she had been coveting in the general store. Lisa gave Candy two warm flannel shirts she had sewn for him, along with warm leather gloves and a new hat. But the best present of all was her news that she would be making him a father in late summer. Candy's face lit up like the night sky on July Fourth. In his joy, he picked her up and whirled her around the room, and then suddenly thought better of it and put her carefully down in her chair. He put his hand over her stomach and kissed her. Together they told Kenny the happy news and asked him if he would like a new brother or sister. He nodded his head vigorously and requested a brother.

As it turned out, Kenny got his wish when seven pound John Jeremy Canaday was born in August of the following year. Dr. Martin got to the house in time to deliver the baby, who came easily after a short labor. Four year old Kenny was delighted, but couldn't understand why the baby wasn't interested in his toys. Candy, who was bursting with pride, picked him up and explained that he would be if Kenny just gave him a little time. For the entire day after his birth, John's family sat on the big bed and admired him. For days and weeks afterward, Candy would hurry home after work to see his boys and check for new developments in baby John's growth. When Lisa finally became stir crazy, her first outing with the baby was to the Ponderosa to introduce John to Ben and the boys. It was nice to be pampered and eat Hop Sing's cooking while she relaxed.

Over the years, a girl and another boy were born to the Canadays. Sarah Lynn and Steven Andrew joined the family, each two years apart. During this time, their ranch was also growing. Candy had managed to develop one of the finest horse farms in the area. He had purchased some thoroughbred horses himself, and bred them with some of Ben's stock. Soon he had a thriving business, with orders being placed for foals before they were even conceived. Kenny loved helping his father with the horses, and he was a talented rider, too. Of course, he was in school by then and his parents insisted that his school work came first. He grumbled about that, but complied so he could get himself out into the barns as fast as he could. Candy had built another large barn to house the horses and had fenced pastures so they could graze and get plenty of sun and exercise. There was also a large corral where the horses were trained.

*******

Kenny was always on hand when there was a horse to train, and by the time he was ten he was able to train a horse that was saddle broken all by himself. He was tall for his age and had been riding his own pony, Barney, since he was seven. Candy and Kenny hunted together on a regular basis. Candy had taught him how to safely and accurately use a gun, and would do the same for John when he was old enough. Kenny was also an attentive big brother, willing to watch John and Sarah if Lisa was busy cooking, or with baby Steven. Their lives were full and busy. The Cartwrights were a big part of their lives, especially since the horse business overlapped. Little Joe had married and now had a family living on the Ponderosa, and it looked as though Hoss would be following suit shortly.

Over the years, Lisa and Candy had not spoken about Kenny's father, Jim. Candy had adopted Kenny and since he had been so young, it had made sense to them to allow all three of them to bond as a new family. They had discussed it carefully when Candy adopted Kenny, and decided together to begin family life anew. Besides, Kenny and Candy were especially close. They were buddies as well as father and son. As he grew, Kenny continued to resemble Lisa, as did Sarah, whereas John and Steven more closely resembled Candy. It made for easy family assimilation, and often they joked about it. Sometimes Lisa thought about her initial hesitation to marry Candy and thanked heaven she had chosen to follow her heart. She shuddered at the thought of what her life might have been like without him in it.

Things began to change when Kenny, now called Ken, was fifteen. Candy and Lisa first noticed it one day when he returned home from school. He seemed disgruntled and his face was red. His clothes were filthy and there was a rip in his shirt. His mother asked him if he'd been fighting, but he refused to answer. He simply changed shirts and went to the barn as he usually did. Lisa asked eleven year old John if anything unusual had happened at school, and John reported that Ken had scuffled with another boy, but he didn't know why. John had been involved in a serious game of marbles with his friends at the time. Nine year old Sarah was able to confirm the scuffle story, but added that Ken and the boy he'd fought were pretty far away from the school house, behind it, and she didn't know what it had been about. Lisa asked if the teacher had intervened, and Sarah said no.

Candy also noticed that something was different about his son. He asked Ken if something was wrong. Ken wouldn't look at him, and mumbled "no." Candy decided to let him be, to cool off. Maybe they would be able to talk later. He went back to working a stone out of the hoof of one of the horses. Ken saddled one of the young mares and took her out for exercise. He hadn't returned by the time Lisa had dinner on the table. Both parents were concerned, and after dinner was over, Candy got ready to head out looking for Ken. Just as he was getting his horse saddled, Ken returned.

"Ken, your mother and I have been worried about you. Where have you been?" Candy tried to hold back the anger he felt.

"I ate with the hands in the bunk house at the Ponderosa," he replied as though it was an everyday event.

Now Candy felt his anger increase. "Did you even think about how your mother would feel when you weren't here for dinner?"

Ken had pulled the saddle off the mare and was rubbing her down. He didn't answer the question.

"Well, did you?" Candy demanded. Rarely did they have a disagreement, but this had been flagrant, and couldn't be ignored.

Ken looked at Candy, and for the first time, there was defiance in his eyes. "No, I didn't," he retorted.

"Don't let it happen again," Candy said. "We don't mind if you want to do that now and again, but you need to let us know where you are." He turned and began to unsaddle his own horse.

After moving the mare into her stall and giving her some feed, Ken left the barn, sullenly, and without another word.

That night in bed, Lisa and Candy spoke about the incident in low voices. They were mostly bewildered; Ken had always been an obedient and cooperative child.

"Well, you always hear that teenagers can be difficult," Candy said, lying on his back with his hands under his head. "Maybe he's just going through a teenage phase."

Lisa moved close to snuggle with him, and she put her arm across his chest. "I hope so, Candy. I hope it's nothing more than that."

Things didn't improve with Ken for weeks. He did what he was supposed to do around the house and barn, but he didn't have much to say to anyone in the family, including his siblings. There were times when Candy thought he was seeing a breakthrough, like the time he took Ken and John hunting with him and they bagged a large buck. Ken's had been the shot that took the deer down, and he was triumphant. He asked if he could have the antlers mounted in his room, and Candy agreed. Ken had been on top of the world for the next couple of days, but he gradually sank back into his prior irritable mood.

Another time he and his father were exercising two roans that were going to be picked up by their new owners soon. They were out in the pastures several miles from home, and after cresting a hill, they were getting ready to head back to finish chores before the end of the day. Close enough to nudge Ken, Candy got his attention.

"Hey," he said with a twinkle in his eye. "Wanna race?"

That was all Ken needed to hear. Competitive, and a skilled rider, he gave his horse a kick and got a head start.

"Hey!" Candy protested, but he was right behind his son. He really didn't know which of the two horses was faster, but they had a heck of a time finding out during the five mile run. There were times when Candy was ahead, and times when Ken nosed ahead. Ken won the race by a hair, and Candy knew he would never tell that he allowed it to happen. In his heart he wanted the boy to have this small victory, wanted him to feel good, to repair whatever had gone wrong between them.

They were wiping the horses down in adjoining stalls, each boasting about the race, and it seemed to Candy as though he was with the boy he had always known. He decided to take a chance.

"You want to talk about what's been bothering you lately? I'm a pretty good listener," Candy said quietly to the boy. Half expecting the sullen mask to descend again, he was surprised to see his son look at him with undisguised pain in his eyes.

Ken's head shook. "No," he said somberly. "Maybe sometime, but not now." He finished up his task and moved silently onto another one.

Candy was thoughtful. At least he hadn't snapped when he answered. Something was bothering him and it had put some distance between them. He'd tell Lisa that they'd have to be patient, he decided.

To their delighted surprise, both Lisa and Candy thought that Ken's mood improved over the next months. They didn't know if he had made a conscious decision or just began feeling better about whatever had been bothering him, but the moody Ken seemed to recede into the background. He was more like himself and threw himself back into ranch work. He also began spending more time working with the Ponderosa hands, which was fine with the Canadays. Both parents felt that when he was around, he was back to being the boy they had raised and loved.

Time passed and their family grew up. Almost without their realization, Ken was seventeen, John thirteen, Sarah eleven and Steven nine. Sarah was a big help to Lisa around the house, and all the boys were involved in the horse breeding business with their father. Ken began spending more and more time away from home. He was either with friends in town, or at the Ponderosa. He was almost finished with his formal schooling, but he began skipping days altogether. Sometimes Candy would find out that he'd been doing field work with the Cartwrights, but other times he never knew where he'd been. He had developed an attitude, along with a serious chip on his shoulder. There had been a two year reprieve, but the angry boy was back again.

One night after Ken had not been home for two days, he came riding in well after supper was over. Candy, who had always tried to extend extra understanding to this son, was beyond the point of generosity. After Ken rode silently past his parents sitting on the porch, Candy followed him into the barn.

"Start talking, Ken," Candy said in a low voice.

"Whaddya wanna know?" There was almost a smirk in his voice.

"You better have a good explanation for where you've been without any word to us."

"Well," Ken turned, leaning an elbow on his saddle and pushing his hat back on his head, "I been with some friends, an' we been here and there."

Candy moved fast then. He grabbed Ken by the shoulders and brought him up against the side of the stall. The horse sidestepped quickly out of the way. "I said _good_ explanation," he repeated carefully.

Caught off guard by his father's physical reaction, which was rare, Ken's face flushed red. He tried to shrug away, but Candy's grip was tight.

"Went to Genoa City, Placerville, rode back," he muttered.

"Doing what?"

"Playing cards."

_Playing cards?_ "In a saloon?"

"That's where you play cards."

"What about work? That's what we do around here and on the Ponderosa. We work for a living. You know that, and you know that you're needed here. What makes you think you can go off and do something stupid like that?"

Ken, who was the same size as Candy, lifted his arms and shoved his father back against the horse. "What made you think you could do something stupid like kill my father?" The animosity in Ken's blue eyes was clear.

Candy stared back at Ken, but inside he was dying. He knew. What Lisa had feared thirteen years ago was happening. They had naively believed they would be exempt from paying this debt.

"How did you find out about that?"

"Some kid at school told me two years ago. I didn't know whether to believe it. But I've heard it since. My name's not Ken Canady. It's Ken Campbell. I've looked in the churchyard. His grave's there. Did you think I'd never find out?" There was bitterness and accusation in his voice.

Two years ago. The fight at school. That was when Ken had changed. He'd been grappling with shocking news a kid at school had crushed him with.

"Why didn't you say something then? We could have talked about it. We can talk about it now," Candy reached out for Ken, but he stiffened so quickly that Candy pulled back.

"I thought you were my father, but you aren't. You killed him and you married my mother. That's cheap. You're nothing but a two-bit beater."

"Ken, are you going to judge us without even listening to what your mother and I have to say? It wasn't easy for us, I can tell you that. We wanted to do the right thing for you."

"So you lied," he almost spat it out. "You always told me not to lie, but you were telling me the biggest lie of all."

Feeling the boy slipping away from him, Candy raised his voice. "It was an accident! I didn't intend to kill him, but he was robbing another man at gunpoint and I just happened to come across it. He shot at me. You know what that means. I shot back in self defense but I didn't shoot to kill."

"No? But you killed anyway."

"I don't enjoy killing. I was sick about it, especially when I saw you and your mother, all alone. I tried to help her with the ranch. She couldn't manage it all alone and a young child. She was very angry at me, but gradually we developed feelings for each other, and I had always liked you. You and I went everywhere together."

Ken snorted and shoved Candy away while he tightened the cinch on his saddle and checked his horse's bridle.

"Where are you going?"

"What difference does it make?"

"Well, it makes a hell of a lot of difference to your mother. Do you want to destroy her? She tried to do what was best for you. She wanted you to have two parents and a family, and that's what you got. You may not remember, but you had a happy childhood, and I'm proud of that. We've worked and played side by side. Please. Talk to us about this."

Ken hesitated, and Candy knew this was a critical moment. He hushed himself, knowing that anything else he said might be the wrong thing. Agonizing, Ken put his head down, forehead against the saddle. There was a rustling sound at the barn door, and they both looked up to see Lisa standing there, a stricken look on her face. She took a step forward.

"Kenny, please, don't leave," her voice was anguished.

His face almost crumpled, but in an amazing display of discipline, he steeled himself and stood straight.

No, Ma. I know all about it. Both of you lied to me, and you betrayed me and my father's memory."

Candy could see that his wife's eyes were starting to well with tears. This was what they had both dreaded.

"Won't you even come in and eat something so we can talk?" She was begging now.

He hesitated again. "I need to get a few things inside," he said, looking from Candy to Lisa. Silently, they nodded and Candy let Ken pass ahead of him as they walked toward the house.

Lisa put food out on the table while Candy sat silently, head in his hands. Ken was in his room rolling some clothes into a pack. When he came downstairs, he sat and began eating the food he mother had set out. While he ate his parents explained again why happened, how it happened, and why they decided to marry. He didn't hear anything new. He knew they cared, but he felt a young man's anger at finding his life wasn't what he thought it was. When he finished eating, he pushed his chair back and stood.

"Where are you going?" His mother was distraught.

"I don't know," he answered honestly.

"If you want to get away, can't you just go to Ben Cartwright's?" Candy asked him.

"Maybe I will," some of the anger had gone out of him, but the hurt hadn't. "I need to think." And then he was gone.

Candy and Lisa sat at the table, neither one speaking or moving. They heard him ride away, and Lisa put her head on her arms, folded on the table, miserable. Candy got up and came to stand behind her, kneading her shoulders gently. After a long time, he gathered the dishes and washed them. We he was finished, Lisa had already gone upstairs. When Candy went upstairs, he discovered that $50 he kept in a wooden box on his dresser was missing.

A week passed and they didn't hear from Ken. He had not gone to the Ponderosa. Joe reported that one of the hands had just up and left at the same time. No one knew if there was a connection with Ken, but the two had known each other. Candy checked with some of Ken's friends, and they were unable to give him any information.

Lisa went about her business at home with great sadness and few words. Her mood was obvious to the children, who asked questions. Candy explained that Ken was trying out life on his own and that they missed him. John and Sarah seemed concerned by this, and Steven, the youngest, cried. He missed his oldest brother. There was a distance between Candy and Lisa too. They both felt transported back to that time when they had decided to marry, and they were second guessing their decision. They both knew they loved each other, but they didn't want their family broken up over a decision which had driven one of their children away.

One Sunday three weeks after Ken left, Candy had persuaded Lisa to invite Joe and his wife, Melanie, over for dinner with their children. He hoped that some friendly company would cheer her up. Lisa fried chicken and made potato salad and greens. Melanie brought a fresh chocolate cake, which she knew was Candy's favorite. All the children enjoyed an afternoon of fishing in the pond, and the adults visited on the porch after the early evening meal. They were chuckling over a story Joe had told about one of his boys when two riders came galloping out from the fields behind the barn. As they dismounted, Candy and Lisa were delighted to see that one of the riders was Ken. He was back!

"Hey, that's Sid, the hand that left when Ken left," Joe said, recognizing the other rider.

The adults got up and began to move toward the two young men. Joe stopped them when he realized that Ken was wearing a gun belt and had his hand on the butt of his pistol. He gestured to Candy, who was shocked. Ken had never worn a gun before. Had never been drunk the way he was now, either.

"Come here, Canaday," Ken shouted. "Lessee if you can still kill a man."

Candy stood completely still. Lisa's hands were over her mouth and both she and Melanie were looking at the younger children by the pond, who didn't realize what had happened. They couldn't call out to them, and they couldn't go to them because no one knew what Ken would do.

"Ken," Joe called out. "Come sit down. Let's all talk."

In response, Ken drew the gun out of its holster. "C'mon, Canaday. Self defense, just like you did for my father."

Candy reached back for Lisa's hand, and grasped it. "No Ken. I'm not going to fight you. You're my son."

"I'm **not** your son!" His shout got the attention of the children by the pond. Most of them stared silently, but two of the younger ones began to scream in fright.

Lisa and Melanie gasped as some of the children started running for the house. It was too far away when a gun was being brandished.

"Ken, let the kids go in the house," Candy called.

Ken did nothing, and after a couple of minutes, Joe and Melanie moved out to herd the children safely into the house. Joe came back out to the porch when everyone was safely inside in his wife's care. Lisa still stood watching her son.

Not wearing a gun and holding his hands out where Ken could see them, Candy walked slowly toward his son. "Let's talk, Ken," he called.

Ken raised his arm straight ahead and appeared to take aim. Lisa gave out a strangled gasp. Candy quickly held up his hands and stopped moving forward. "I'm not going to shoot at you," he said firmly.

Sid pulled a pistol out of his holster and sent it skittering over the dirt toward Candy.

"Pick it up," Ken said in a warning tone.

Candy shook his head and kept his hands in the air. He didn't move.

"I said pick it up!" It was practically a scream.

Slowly Candy began to back up, hands still up. He never looked at the gun on the ground. Ken kept his arm out straight and appeared to take aim again.

"Don' say I dint warn you," he warned again.

"Kenny!" Lisa called out plaintively.

At the sound of her voice, Ken flinched and squeezed the trigger. Candy spun around and fell. At almost the same moment, Joe yanked his gun out of his gun belt and fired at Ken.

NO!" Lisa screamed, running forward when Ken hit the ground. Joe tried to hold her back but he couldn't stop her.

Ken was struggling to sit up and as his mother came toward him, he pointed the gun at her. "Stop, Ma. Go away."

Lisa froze in place as her son slowly came to his feet, with Sid's help. He'd been shot in the shoulder. Sid helped him mount up and they rode away. Shocked, Lisa turned to Candy, who was still on the ground, with Joe kneeling next to him.

"It's a side wound, in the flesh, but the bullet's still in there. It'll have to be removed. I can get the doc."

"Help me get him to bed first," Lisa said, putting an arm under her husband's shoulders. Between them, she and Joe got Candy on his feet. He was unsteady and groaned some, but he walked inside and slowly mounted the stairs. Fortunately, Melanie had the children in a back bedroom where they had heard shots, but not seen anything.

Lisa sat next to Candy on their bed. "I can't believe he did that. I just can't believe he would do something so horrible. You've been so good to him. We've both done everything for him," tears were spilling down her cheeks.

Candy reached for her hand. "He'd been drinking, Lisa. I wasn't expecting something like this, but he wasn't responsible for his actions."

"You're being awfully gracious inasmuch as you've got the bullet in you," she said.

"He's got a bullet in him, too. Shoulder wound. He'll be all right. Don't worry."

"I'm worried about you!"

I'll be all right too."

Joe took his family home on the way to get Dr. Martin. Lisa apologized many times over that their children had been exposed to such a frightening experience. They downplayed it and sent her back up to her husband.

Dr. Martin came and took care of Candy while Lisa got the children to bed. Dr. Martin said he would keep an eye out for Ken in the event he came seeking care, but that never happened.

Months passed, and it seemed that Ken was gone for good. Lisa both mourned and raged over what had happened. Candy was just sad. His body recovered well, but his spirit was low. He understood Ken's anger and kept thinking about what he could have done differently to prevent this. Maybe Lisa had been right at the very start. Ken _did_ hate them for what happened to his father. But he had been given a loving home. Would his life have been better if Lisa and Candy had gone their separate ways? No one could answer that question, but two people _could_ speculate about it endlessly as they went about their work.

Years went by, and there was no word from Ken, directly or indirectly. He had just disappeared, and there were plenty of places in the west someone could get lost in if he wanted to. Candy continued the breeding ranch, and John stepped in to help him. At eighteen, he was happy to be working with his father, he loved horses, and he had the same happy disposition his father had. Over time, Candy's cheery outlook returned. There was no rule that Ken couldn't be discussed in the Canaday home, but in general, he wasn't. Whatever Lisa felt, she kept to herself after her initial feelings dissipated. She was involved with her children's lives, with activities in town, and she frequently visited with Joe's and Hoss' wives. Her life was full and peaceful. She had not forgotten Ken, and he was still in her heart, but she did not agonize over him day and night. She had realized that would be doing her and her family a disservice if she did that. Her grieving was over.

One hot, summer day, Lisa and seventeen year old Sarah were working on a dress pattern for a town social dance. A special boy had asked pretty Sarah to attend with him, and she was over the moon. This would be the prettiest dress she'd ever owned, white with red stripes and red bows. Puffed sleeves and a full skirt. Mother and daughter were working with great concentration, two blonde heads bent over the fabric on the kitchen table, when the sound of a wagon approaching caught their attention. Lisa looked up and stepped over to the window to see was coming. A covered wagon was lumbering slowly toward the house. A man and a woman were sitting on the seat. The woman was holding a baby on her lap.

Curious, Lisa walked out to the porch. She didn't recognize the couple, especially since man had a hat down low over his brow and the woman wore a full bonnet to keep the sun out of her eyes. Yet, there was something familiar about the man. The way he sat, the way he held the reins. Lisa put her hand to her throat, but no, her eyes weren't fooling her. The wagon stopped in front of the house, and the man pulled on the brake. Then he pushed his hat back on his head.

"Hi, Ma," Ken said uncertainly with a half smile. He looked older and his face was weathered from the sun.

"Ken! Oh, I thought I'd never see you again!" Lisa was already running around the horses to be by his side. He slipped down from the wagon seat, and caught her in his arms.

"I'm back, Ma. And I'm sorry about everything. I did everything wrong. I'm so sorry."

By this time, Sarah was on the porch, squealing in delight at the sight of her brother, and this brought Candy and the boys from the barns. The smile on Candy's face faded when he saw Ken. He, too, was uncertain. Ken looked up and put his mother down. He walked toward Candy and put his hand out.

Hi, Pa. I have some fences to mend, and I hope you'll forgive me."

Candy took his hand and shook it. "I've gotten pretty good at mending fences over the years," he said, and for the first time both men smiled.

Ken turned and gestured to the woman still sitting in the wagon. "This is my wife, Abby, and that's our son, James Canaday. He's ten months old." Abby had a sweet face and long brown hair that was braided down her back. James was chubby, with fuzzy blonde hair and he smiled often, showing two small teeth.

Lisa gave out a soft cry and held out her arms for the baby. Abby handed him over, and Ken helped her down from the wagon.

"Can we all talk?" Ken asked after putting his arms around his three excited siblings.

Soon they were all seated around the kitchen table with coffee and lemonade. Sarah had scooped up her dress fabric and moved it safely out of the way.

"I want to tell you what happened to me after I last saw you on that awful evening five years ago. Sid and I rode all night, and I got my shoulder taken care of in Placerville. I didn't exactly want to see Dr. Martin that night. Sid and I took up with some other guys and we just drifted around, mostly drinking and playing cards. Sometimes we'd work when we needed money, and sometimes the guys would steal what they needed. I didn't steal, though. I usually took up as a ranch hand for a while until I got enough money to move on. One night we were in a saloon late, and when we came out, we were real drunk. There weren't many people out at that hour, but Sid noticed a couple walking toward the hotel. He got a smart idea and told us to watch what he was gonna do. He sneaked up behind the couple and stuck his gun in the man's back, demanding all their money. The lady screamed, and another man inside the hotel came out with a gun. He shot at Sid and Sid shot at him. They both died." Ken stopped, took a deep breath, and looked around the table.

"That cured me of my ways then and there. As soon as I saw that, I understood what happened between my father and Candy. And I understood why you married him, Ma. Sid didn't have a family, but the other man did, so his wife became a widow in a few seconds and her children were fatherless. I never found out what happened to them. I don't know if they were as lucky as I was. I rode for a few days, and the next big ranch I came to, I hired on and stayed for three years. That's where I met Abby, and we got married. She's the daughter of one of the ranch hands I worked with there. But I had big ideas, and I wanted to have my own ranch. I bought a run down place nearby and for almost two years worked it day in and day out with my bare hands. Abby worked right beside me until the baby was on the way. Something always needed fixing, and it either rained too little or too much for my crops. By the time I told Abby I wanted to come back to see my family, I had learned a lot of lessons, including how hard it is to make a go of a piece of land. Just having it doesn't mean it'll work." He stopped again and looked down at his hands folded on the table in front of him.

"I was so stupid and so young. I didn't understand anything, and I had _everything_. Both of you gave me everything a kid could need, which is what I want to do for James now. When I first learned that you weren't my real father, Pa, I didn't stop to think how lucky I was to have you in my life. I was mad that I hadn't known. I've given you every reason to hate me, and now I'm here to ask your forgiveness."

Lisa reached out and put a comforting hand on Ken's arm. Candy started a smile that began with curving lips, moved to show his teeth, then spread from ear to ear, and finally twinkled in his eyes.

"Welcome back, Ken. We missed you" he said simply. "I can always use some extra help in the breeding business, and if you need a place to live, I know of a line shack with a couple of extra rooms attached that might be available.

Ken put his arm around Abby and grinned, "Just point me in the right direction, Pa."

**The End**


End file.
